Saturday, March 5, 2011

I've been in a Fashion Place Lately

Clearly I haven't been in a writing place lately.

No. Lately, I've been feeling the fashion. My latest plan is to buy myself so truly fun, brightly colored rain gear. It'll look something like this...

followed by this

and finished up with this

I could also just go with a blue brelly.

I live in Florida and for some reason have managed to do so for years without owning a proper pair of rain boots, a rain coat or a decent umbrella. Yeah, yeah, I hang my head in shame. Well, I would if there weren't so many cute things to look at.

I mean seriously. How cute is this?

I need to own it. I'll also need a pair of cute shoes to go with it.

Listen up fat girls. I am one of you. I have some things you need to hear that maybe others won't tell you. I do it out of love.

You know those lace trim camis that are so popular this season? The ones that are cut long? STOP BUNCHING THEM UP AROUND YOUR WAIST! IT LOOKS AWFUL! Bunching something up around a part makes that part look bigger. Do you want you waist/stomach area to look bigger? No? I didn't think so. Stop it.

Jeggings and skinny jeans? Yeah, stop doing that to yourself. I don't care if advertisments say "We can wear skinny jeans too!" Technically they're telling you the truth. You can wear them in that they are made in your size. You just shouldn't. They're called skinny jeans for a reason. Are you skinny? Neither am I. Stop wearing them. It's not cute.

For the love of god figure out what colors look good on you; not which colors you like but what looks good on you. Wear those colors.

On a totally contradictory note, figure out at least one color that isn't supposed to look good on you and wear it 'cause you love it. The color of the raincoat above isn't supposed to look good on me given its melon/yellow base note. I do not care. Want!

You need to own at least one pair each of black closed toe dress shoes with some sort of heel, black closed toe casual shoes generally flats, brown shoes in both types, one pair (at least) of brightly colored shoes. Boots. Buy them 'cause they are fun. Fuck practical when it comes to boots.

Those are the fashion tips from Miss 'Potamus. Hear and obey.

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